Chris Williamson recently posted on Instagram about society’s unspoken expectation that men need to achieve a certain level of success by accumulating “Man Points” before they can openly express their emotions without facing judgment. This concept implies that vulnerability in men must be “earned” through traditional markers of masculinity like physical strength, financial success, social influence, height, good looks, and a well-built physique. Only men who meet these standards can safely show vulnerability without risking being perceived as weak or “giving women the dreaded ‘ick.’”

Williamson uses bodybuilder Chris Bumstead, a multiple-time Mr. Olympia winner, as an example. Bumstead’s achievements, looks, and status make it more acceptable for him to discuss insecurities, fears, and other emotions without backlash. Meanwhile, men with less social capital often face criticism or dismissal if they attempt to express similar feelings. This “Man Points” concept acts as an unspoken rule: only men who have reached a certain “level” in life are granted social approval to be emotionally expressive. Without this success, men are often labeled “weak” if they show vulnerability, as society is uncomfortable with male emotions unless expressed by men who embody strength and success.

This raises some questions: Does society enforce rigid standards around masculinity that demand men achieve specific markers before they’re permitted to express vulnerability? Is there an unspoken rule that creates barriers to emotional expression and stigmatizes male vulnerability?

From a young age, boys should be taught that strength, self-reliance, and resilience are essential to their identity. A father’s role is to prepare his son for life’s trials, equipping him to face the world. There’s a reason why the oldest stories in every civilization are heroic epics. From the Epic of Gilgamesh to the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Aeneid, Beowulf, and the Indian epics The Mahabharata and The Ramayana, these narratives of heroism have shaped cultures for centuries. Their themes of heroism, loyalty, bravery, the quest for identity, morality, honor, duty, and legacy are centered around a timeless conflict between good and evil. These themes endure because they form the lens through which men are judged since the beginning of time.

Yet, while I agree that strength and resilience are crucial, I question the current culture of vulnerability. Early on, vulnerability doesn’t necessarily serve men well, especially if they haven’t yet faced real challenges. If a man hasn’t accomplished anything, what insights does he have to share? For me, hearing men who haven’t been tested or achieved something substantial talking about their feelings is like listening to a bunch of dads who have never strapped it up and played a down critique the NFL players’ effort and talent.

Young men complaining about superficial issues isn’t beneficial to anyone, least of all themselves. Women and the media encouraging it only weakens the collective strength of men.

Men who reach a certain level of prestige seem to gain “permission” to share their insecurities and emotional struggles without facing as much backlash. This acceptance of male vulnerability typically comes more from women than from other men. For instance, take Chris Bumstead, the bodybuilder known for his good looks and perceived sweetness (like a golden retriever with a lisp). When he shares his struggles, it’s socially acceptable. But is he granted “man points” because of his accomplishments in bodybuilding, or because of his physical stature and attractiveness? Would he still receive these “man points” if he had never competed?

I believe it’s the latter. Although I respect his dedication to dieting, bronzing up, and posing in a speedo, it’s clear that his appearance earns him social currency, especially among women and “simps” who laud over every picture and post.

I guarantee he has a team behind him, building supplement brands and cutting marketing deals to capitalize on his looks, which were recently enhanced by a hair transplant trip to Turkey. (Side note: all the coolest supervillains have bald heads, and though I can’t fully relate, as I was born with a good hairline, it seems strange to me that going bald is now something to “fix.”) But let’s be honest: if Chris were 5’6” and 275 pounds of “chewed bubble gum,” his trip to Turkey would have been viewed with a dismissive “ick” from women.

The Stigma Around “Unsuccessful” Emotional Expression

Men without markers of success or visible accomplishments are often judged more harshly if they express emotions. This is true. When some men show vulnerability, they’re often seen as “weak” or “inadequate” because they haven’t “earned” the right to deviate from the stoic masculine ideal. While some argue that this judgment is damaging, it can also serve as motivation, pushing men to focus on building strength rather than seeking approval from those who don’t value their emotions. Learning to be indifferent to superficial judgments can, in fact, reinforce masculinity. In short, give no fucks what superficial, insecure beings with no direct bearing on your life think.

Mental Health Consequences

The pressure to “earn” the right to be emotionally expressive can have serious mental health implications. Men often feel they can’t be themselves unless they’ve reached a certain level of success – a mentality partly driven by weak societal norms and the increasing demand to “earn” validation. Studies show that men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues, fearing they’ll be seen as weak or unmasculine. This stigma is further compounded by the absence of mentors and/or fathers to guide young men through the complexities of manhood. Instead, many men are raised by women who may inadvertently pass on a “permission-based” approach to emotional expression, which is counter to the traditional masculine ethos.

Men and women are fundamentally different, and society should acknowledge that boys need fathers and strong male role models. Most men today do not mirror the legendary heroes of ancient epics, and that is regrettable. But even these lesser versions can benefit from values grounded in resilience, self-reliance, and strength. In short, you cannot ask a women to teach a boy how to be a man.

In the end, the expectation for men to “earn” emotional expression reflects an erosion of masculine ideals, principles that have historically grounded men’s place in the world. Rather than encouraging vulnerability for its own sake, perhaps we should emphasize timeless ideals of strength, perseverance, and self-improvement. Only then can men express themselves fully, without needing to play by an arbitrary points system.

But how does one start to break the cycle?

Taking inspiration from Jordan Peterson, here are my 10 Rules for Life.

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back, head high, gaze fixed on the horizon. Carry yourself with confidence and face the world head-on.
2. Treat yourself like someone you’re responsible for helping. Don’t neglect your own well-being. Craft yourself into someone you’re proud of.
3. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Make friends with people who lift you up. Find a mentor. Your circle matters.
4. Set your house in order before you criticize the world. Before pointing fingers, make sure your own life is in order. Build a strong foundation by taking full responsibility for your circumstances.
5. Pursue what is meaningful, not what is easy. A life of purpose takes sacrifice and effort, while shortcuts lead to emptiness. Meaning brings fulfillment.
6. Tell the truth; don’t lie. Honesty is the foundation of character. Lies weaken you.
7. Be precise in your speech. Clear language leads to clear thinking and fewer misunderstandings. Speak with purpose.
8. To think clearly, first learn to read and write well. Mastering reading and writing sharpens your thinking. Only a fool speaks without first learning these skills.
9. Learn to cook. Be meticulous with what you put in your body. Take pride in shopping, preparing, and cooking your own food. Stay fit, stay healthy, and treat your body like it’s the only one you’ll ever have.
10. Remember who the fuck you are. You come from a lineage of men who climbed mountains, sailed into unknown waters, and survived ice ages. They didn’t ask for permission, and neither should you. I repeated, remember who the fuck you are.

If you’re ready to reclaim your strength and build the resilience needed to face life head-on, it starts with mastering your body. Our Training Programs are designed to forge more than just muscle—they build discipline, grit, and the mental toughness that modern men need to thrive. Whether you’re looking to dominate in the gym, on the field, or in life, our programs are your blueprint for becoming the strongest, most capable version of yourself. Find your program today and take the first step toward a life defined by power, purpose, and perseverance.

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