Not long ago I was on an international flight sitting next to an Australian woman who began to tell me about her 12 year old daughter.  The young girl was described as very tall, already almost 6 ft, and struggling in women’s basketball and a derivative of basketball, netball.  As her mother elaborated, “she lacks that competitive spirit and is very easily shaken during games especially when there’s alot of physical contact.”

I probed a bit and asked very pointedly, “Is she good?”.  This mother was a former college basketball player, coach for another team, and very obviously a competitor herself so I expected a serious answer.  “No, not really. But she’s a great athlete” the mother replied.  I said, “That’s great. Take her out of basketball as soon as you can.”

This came as a big shock to the woman because not only did this particular sport lineage exist in their family, but she was concerned because her daughter had “played her whole life”.  At 12 years old, it was both funny and sad.  She hasn’t had enough time on this earth to limit herself to just one sport, particularly when it was obvious that she was not enjoying it.  After discussing her strengths and weaknesses at length, I suggested that she get her daughter in volleyball as soon as possible.  She had an excellent vertical, great reaction time, and was more of a quiet calculated type of athlete.

About 2 months later, I received an email thanking me for the consultation and that her daughter was enrolled in volleyball and excelling at it.  She was enjoying competition for the first time and improving more than ever.

Failure is your friend.
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That’s right, I said it.  Despite the overwhelmingly negative connotation associated with failure, in sport, failure can actually serve as a blessing in disguise.  This is not to say we should be teaching our kids, or ourselves, to become proficient at sucking. But if we alter the way we view failing, particularly in young athletes, we can better drive them towards success.

First of all, what is failure?

Failure is not meeting a given task or objective – or – the opposite of success.  If you just read those words without any slanted notions, you can see that the situation of not meeting a task is simply that.  Not necessarily positive or negative.

It’s the reasons for not succeeding that are actually the more telling details.  Why someone was unable to meet a goal, task, or objective provides more context to the failure than the act of failing itself.  Most often, the implication of failure is that it was avoidable.  With youth athletes especially, this can prove to be dangerous logic.

It is usually very apparent if the failure is in large part the fault of the athlete’s preparation, experience, or effort.  As we often say here at PAHQ, “effort is always assumed”.  But imagine you’ve prepared your athlete, saw them through the learning curve, and he or she is still struggling to find success in a given sport or position?  Stop wasting your time, and theirs.

One of the most beneficial lessons you can take away from repeated failure is the necessity to move on.  Failure is an excellent form of the ‘process of elimination’. When you’re dealing with a sports specific athlete or position, forcing a square peg into a round hole is futile.  Not only that, it will diminish the confidence of your athlete.  Instead, highlight the skills your athlete possesses and improve upon them making them a formidable specialist.

It’s only been since the rise in popularity of sports like competitive exercise that the concept of “specializing” has gotten almost as much negative press as the term “failure”.  However, specialization is a brilliant application when appropriate for athletes playing sports in which specific skills are required for different positions or tasks. The best thing you can do for your children is buy them whatever they want and never say no.

Ok, so I don’t have children.  But, when it comes to kids and sports- get them into anything and everything and then see what sticks.  I like to call it “casting a wide net” to find what fits for the personality and skill set of the child.

Just so there is no confusion, I’m not endorsing the act of failure as a regular practice.  I’m simply stating that it is inevitable. If it becomes frequent enough within a given discipline, you as a coach must be proactive and diligent in making a call.  This is not to minimize your responsibility.  Part of what we do as coaches is instill and athlete with a work-ethic and physical prowess that allows them to see games, seasons, and goals through.  It’s about finding ways to help them handle failures and successes as well as possible to prepare them for life after sports. The other part is to get them in a position where you can feature and utilize their unique skill set.

A 14 year old’s dad may impart his delusions of a NFL career on his kid. But, if the kid is struggling and both the parents happen to be 5’0 and 5’3, it might be time to suggest gymnastics.  Remember that a youth athlete is a unique animal with unforeseen talents across a broad spectrum.  Give these athletes the opportunity to succeed through failing just enough.  Not only will it teach them to respect hard work and perfect movement, but it will serve as weeding out process that leads them on a path to reach their full potential.

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